Hotel Riu Funana All Inclusive

The hotel has a capacity of around 1,200 guests, but the pool area — especially the sun loungers — accommodates only about 100 to 150 people. The pool opens at 9:00 AM, so forget about a morning swim before breakfast. If you want a sun lounger, you need to arrive around 8:50 and stand in line. Yes, I’m not exaggerating — there’s an actual queue that rushes for the loungers as soon as the clock hits 9:00. It’s an incredibly humiliating experience, trust me. And once you do manage to get a spot, don’t celebrate just yet — the hotel has what I call the “sunbed police.” They monitor how long you’re away from your lounger, and if you’re gone for more than 45 minutes, they will remove all your belongings (phone, bag, towel) and take them to the towel station to free up the space. The first time I was “evicted” like this was when my wife and I went for a swim in the sea. The second time, I just went to the lobby bar for a coffee — since the pool bar doesn’t open until 10:30. That coffee took 25 minutes, and when I came back, the sunbed police had already struck. A completely different couple was lying in our place. On the positive side, the food is fantastic — really great selection. The staff are kind, and the rooms are clean. The sea is absolutely perfect. But the pool? It’s the worst experience I’ve ever had.

Service is amazing. Good selection of liquors , friendly staff and quality of the food is very good. Location is good, for kitesurfing: the beach is on the “wrong” side of the island, wind always came from the countryside during our visit. Lots of activities for adults and kids. Airport is a 20-25 minute drive, Santa Maria city is a 5-10 minute drive, Kite beach is a 10-15 minute drive. Rooms are good but dated. Bed a bit too hard for our liking.

5 Stars? Not Even Close. I booked this hotel based on glowing reviews and its 5-star rating. Big mistake. The room was dirty, the curtains were stained, the baby cot had holes, and the fridge was bizarrely located in the bathroom. I read reviews beforehand saying the food was great — I’m not sure what food they were referring to. It was repetitive, low quality, and the drinks were flat. There are only three restaurants, which are nearly impossible to book — and one of them is just another poor-quality buffet disguised as à la carte. We also experienced a two-hour power cut with zero communication from the hotel. When I asked at reception, they simply pointed at the ceiling to show the fan was back on — apparently, that was my update. Unbelievable customer service. What really got to me were the small things that show how little care the hotel puts in — worn towels, economy toilet paper, and filthy cups. If they can’t be bothered to fix the basics, it says a lot about the hotel’s standards. This is easily the worst all-inclusive I’ve stayed at — including 3-star resorts — and absolutely not worth the price. Avoid.